Ha, toot.
I'm literally the funniest person that I know.
Anyway, not to make a big deal of anything, I've been dieting since January and have lost some weight. Whatever, no big deal. I wouldn't have to lose any weight if I didn't eat like a teenage boy cross country runner in the first place.
I found, during Anything Goes, that I didn't have to diet as much, what with the dancing, or the attempted dancing on my part. After it ended, I needed something to do after work. I couldn't sit on the couch anymore!
I don't know what it was, maybe my arm flab flapping in the breeze, or my pasty white legs, but I decided to walk the Ravenal Bridge. Now, if you don't know what this is, it is a 2.5 mile bridge that goes up really high.
I've honestly found that more than anything, I can clear my head. I've ended up doing this a few times a week. For your own safety, if you approach me on the bridge, here are some words of advice:
1) It's been established that I am a big chicken. My husband is a sound guru, so we have fancy earbuds. They are actually in-ear monitors that singers use in concert. They cancel out all sounds, so the only thing that I can truly hear is my music and my own wheezing. That being said, I can't hear anybody coming up behind me. Especially bikes. Last time, a guy on a bike whizzed by me, and I almost fell down from being so scared. I literally grabbed the rails and had to stay there for a solid 30 seconds before I realized what happened.
Oh, and I also elbowed a guy in the gut when he brushed my arm running past. So just do yourself a favor and make a wide berth if you see me.
2) I am not a fast walker. Don't even ask me to run. Many people venture on to the bridge, of the tourist variety, and they take pictures of the harbor from the very top.
Guys, just humor me and act like you're walking slower than me. It does something to my psyche when I keep getting passed by groups of seniors with socks and sandals.
3) Pigeons are rats with wings. If I see them in my lane, I will stop, stare, hyperventilate, and walk in the bike lane to pass the birds. I'm getting goosebumps right now thinking about their beady little red eyes. Gross.
4) Girls workout clothes don't come with pockets, so I will shove my iPhone in my panties, resting comfortably on my love handle.
Why I am I trying to lose them, again? So convenient.
I also stick my car key in my bra. So if you see my consistently sticking my hands in my panties or bra, that is why.
Yep, that is the reason.
Now, most of the time my efforts are noble, but they just don't pan out. For instance, yesterday was gorgeous, not too hot. I came home from work, laid out my clothes, and got as far as removing my pants. Then I sat on the couch, and it ended up being two hours later. And I still had no pants on. I just decided to cut my losses and take a nap.
Now, it's Saturday, my husband is working, and it's sunny and pretty. So......
Shopping will be my cardio today.
