The Art of the Mini-Series

OK, try not to laugh. I have spent the entire weekend immersed in "The Thornbirds." Yes, the one that's reference when people make jokes about romance with priests. That one.

OK, stop laughing and/or shaking your head right now.

When my friend Carolyn gave me her DVD's (because it's a multi-disc set. Hooray!) to borrow, I thought, "Well, this will give me something to watch when I'm bored." But it was so much more!

I became obsessed with it. Josh had to peel me away from the TV. I don't know what it is! The sweeping love story, the adventure; it's a saga featuring multiple generations of priest lovers! (but not all were sexual. Ahem.)

After reading that last paragraph, I realized that I could write on DVD covers. Just saying. That's compelling stuff.

This tells the tale of a family in Australia who come to live on their aunt's property, Drogheda (don't quote me on the spelling.) because she's super rich and lets them work on the ranch. Her brother and his family, the Clearys, are the only known relatives of said old lady. Who's completely bonkers and is in love with a young priest, Ralph de Bricassaut (again, don't quote me on the spelling)

Ralph ends up having feelings for a nine year old, Meggie Cleary. It's normal at this point, because he seems like he's being priestly to this little girl; it's all innocent. I thought it would be creepy, and a normal person probably would find it so, but I didn't!

You can pretty much guess what happens, Meggie grows up and gets hot, Ralph has to move across the world to the Vatican to escape his emotions. Then she gets married to a loser to forget about Ralph, he acts loser-ish, gets her pregnant, then kind of abandons her. Her friends send her to this private island resort to get her head together, and Ralph comes and they....er....consummate their love. Then he gets all freaked out and leaves again, but gets her pregnant first. Scandalous! Then it jumps ahead nineteen years later, and Meggie/Ralph's lovechild decides he wants to be a priest too, some sad stuff happens, they all come to terms with it, and Ralph dies.

It was so dang sad, and I was so embarrassed at myself for crying alone in my living room about this horny priest. Plus, the movie takes place in Australia, but only one person speaks with an accent. Everyone else is a variation of Irish/American/British, but they all supposedly grew up there. Plus, it's super 80's-tastic.

But after pondering my tempest of emotions, I have come to a realization: mini series are the bomb. How else can you fit the entire plot of a novel (Most mini-series are novels) into a film format? If it became a movie, you would have to cut a ton of it, and if it became a TV Show, well, it wouldn't end until the show ended. Which could take years!

I told my mom that I was watching The Hornbirds, and she turned into a puddle of sentiment. Mini-series evoke something in us, because we can become completely immersed for 8-15 hours, then go on with our lives. I will never forget watching Lonesome Dove. I read the book, and they kind of nailed it, script wise. Plus, my mom will never shut up about North and South, with Patrick Swayze. Mini-Series became sort of a phenomenon in the 70's and 80's, and now they're gone.

At least now I have Downton Abbey, but it's only airing in England right now, and I don't have fancy cable channels. Man, BBC has it right with all those dang mini-series!

Please, TV Land executive people, humor this cheesy dork and make more mini-series!!