Cooking for Your Husband is Pointless if it Gives him Indigestion

Hello, all of you in the blogosphere that I have neglected. It's not really my fault; either I'm super busy or there's nothing interesting going on in my life.

Anyway, I just got back from a trip to Chattanooga for SETC. Yes, the dang convention has sucked me back in, but I went with the drama kids from Wando High School; and good times were had by all. Except for when myself and 2 other chaperones made a mad dash to the hotel to search all the rooms for missing costumes. For a one act that was going to go on in an hour.

For those of you who stayed at the Sheraton during the previous SETC in Chattanooga; you know who you are: there were basically twelve of us in one room. I really don't miss being a poor college student. We went to the City Diner! The hole in the wall that was attached to the Days Inn, the one that had food from literally every ethnicity and slices of cake the size of your head. I ate a mound of nachos, then ran around doing a Russian accent that I had learned in a workshop. It was a very productive weekend.

This past weekend, we were in Greenville, SC with the student council for Wando. Greenville was an absolute blast! Josh and I just walked around downtown, hung out at the Falls Park, got sunburned (and I didn't even care because I was just so happy for the warm weather) and went to the zoo. At the zoo, everyone was with children. And then there was us. Because we're basically children anyway. I love zoos.

So, St Patrick's day was yesterday, so we went to a Mexican restaurant, like you do on such an Irish holiday, and then ran over to the Carolina Ale house to try and watch the Kentucky game. It was a madhouse; people were screaming above us trying to get drinks, a drunk guy was poking Josh for not wearing green (I warned him...) So we gulped down our beers and headed back to the hotel to meet/rescue from the highschool dance, Di Anna, at the Blue Ridge Brewing Company where we ate.....wait for it...Irish Car Bomb Cheesecakes. You had to be 21 or over to even order them, because they did not cook out the alcohol. It was all there, believe me.

With us being so busy, I've hardly had time to cook; it's been Stouffer's lasagnas and crock pot beef stews for the past few weeks. So, Thursday, I had the time to cook Josh a wonderful home cooked meal. I made Chicken Creole with Chile Cream sauce. Here's a link:

http://www.campbellkitchen.com/RecipeDetail.aspx?recipeId=30&ref=%2fSearchRecipesResult.aspx%3fq%3dcreole%2bchicken%26filter%3d

So yummy, and full of spices and things that will set your mouth on fire!

Therein lies the problem.

Josh isn't a huge fan of spicy things, but I am, and I feel like the more I cook with spicy ingredients, the more he'll like them. Plus, I always felt that if I was the one cooking, I get to cook whatever I want and he just has to eat it.

He watched tentatively as I dumped a whole can of green chiles in the skillet, then dredged the chicken in a ton of spices. I just smiled and told him that he would be fine.

He didn't finish the meal, which never happens. The next morning, he sent me a text saying that the green chiles killed him. Oops. Then, walking around Greenville for the next morning afterward, he was still complaining about the chiles. Double oops.

Moral of the story is, he's so sweet to eat things that he doesn't like simply because I made it. I need to take him into consideration when planning meals. So, Josh, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, and you have banana pudding (your Nanny's recipe) on the way!

A Sticky Situation

Wednesday night, we got to go see the National Broadway Tour of Mary Poppins. It was....kind of....eh....not well written. But the scenery and special effects (that Josh got to be a part of) were absolutely fantastic! It was a nice night; we went to PF Chang's for dinner before with Jason and Di Anna. Nothing could spoil my night until.......

Cue the dramatic music.

We were standing up during the curtain call watching the cast sing, and all of the sudden, air cannons come out and confetti goes everywhere. At that moment, something hits me on top of the head.

I pat my head, and my hand sticks. It's wet. And gooey. I'm about to hurl. Someone's gum had flown out of their mouth onto the top of my head.

Gross, right? I was freaking out!

All day yesterday, I was coating my hair in peanut butter, rubbing ice cubes on my hair, and taking constant showers. First to try and condition the gum out, then subsequent showers to remove the peanut smell. It's a good thing we don't have a dog, or it would have tried to eat my head. Now, mind you, I'm doing all of these things whilst crying and shouting, "Why me?!"

OK, maybe there wasn't wailing and gnashing of teeth, but I was still pretty blue all day.

Next time I go to the North Charleston Peforming Arts Center, I'm wearing a helmet.

This is What I Do When I'm Bored. And it Cracks Me Up.

Ah, the joys of StumbleUpon.com. All you have to do is enter in your preferences, click the "Stumble" button, and random web things will pop up that will tickle your fancy and bide your time. Here's the doozy I found today.

http://theuglydance.com/?v=zymruvzrib

Watch it. It's definitely worth it. I can't stop laughing, and I'm at work.

Marvel At My Crafty Craftiness!

I, along with so many other people, have now been sucked into the Pinterest Universe. I mostly use it for recipes, but I have actually gained the confidence to (gasp!) make crafts.

For those of you who know me, you know that my wedding favors were the pinacle of my artistic ability. My mom and I painted wine glasses, were planning on doing a design, but the prototype looked pretty heinous. So, we just painted the bottom of the glass blue, and it basically turned the whole thing blue. I liked it because it didn't have our names on it, and it wouldn't be a random dust collector in someone's house. (We use our's very frequently.) Granted, we weren't very good at mixing the shade of blue, so the glasses themselves vary. Whatever. It was free, people!

So, I considered it my crowning achievement. Until now.

Before you pick your jaws up from the floor, remember that I am a mere mortal, with a mere hot glue gun. And some spray paint.

Yeah, so all I did was hot glue fake hydrangeas and a wooden letter to a grapevine wreath, but this is a big step for me! I found a "autumn wreath" on sale at Wal-Mart for about 50 cents, so I bought one and tore all of the gaudy fake leaves off of it, and made this wondrous wreath. I feel like I can conquer the world! I may make a table! Who the heckdarn knows what I can accomplish?!

Yummy, Healthy Things to Make During Gross Winter

Let me preface this by saying that I've fallen victim to the Pinterest Universe. I never thought that I would be sucked in, but it is chock full of neato ideas and crafty things and recipes. I'm also looking for something to occupy my time during the slow season at the hotel.

I found a homemade hummus made with cannellini beans and fresh cilantro. Because I've gorged myself on too many holiday treats, I'm craving healthy foods. Weird, I know!

This requires:

1 Can of Cannellini Beans
2 Tbsp. of Olive Oil
2 Tbsp. of Lemon Juice
1tsp. of Minced Garlic
1 tsp. Cumin
1/2 tsp. of Chili Powder
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
3 Tbsp. Chopped fresh Cilantro

All you do is stick everything in a food processor until smooth. Really hard, I know. But this is so unbelievably yummy, and it tastes better than any store bought hummus I've had (sorry Sabra, I will always love you.) So, we have a tupperware thing of this that we pull out and use as a dip with pita chips  or baby carrots, and we use it as a spread for sandwiches and turkey wraps. Yum!

For dinner that night, I made Pioneer Woman's Broccoli Cheese Soup. You can get the recipe here:

http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/11/broccoli-cheese-soup/

I've made this a few times, and I always divide the ingredients. There are only two of us, after all. But, I made a huge pot of it last night so that we would have many leftovers. Josh and I both took some for lunch today. And with today being 25 degrees, it is quite welcome.

While this simmered I whipped up some Corn Muffins with Ye Olde Jiffy Mix. Comfort food at its finest.

No TV or Movie updates, because I'm too cheap to go to the movies, and new episodes of my shows have been new. I'm seeing Girl with the Dragon Tattoo tomorrow, loved the book. We'll see how it goes!

I Tend to Disappear During the Holidays

This has been quite a Christmas. So much so that it has caused me to hibernate into an abyss-like black hole, cutting all methods of communication. Now, we're forced back into the real world, into the bleak month of January. It's about this time that I hate winter. I really only like winter during Christmas. And even though winter in Charleston is about 50 degrees, I still don't like it. Not one bit.

Now to change the subject completely....

About a month ago, Josh and I made french fries. This endeavor started when we got into an argument about whether or not we needed a french fry cutter. This all started at a marching band competition when, at the funnel cake stand, a guy stuck a potato in a cutter, pulled the lever, and... voila! French fries.

But I digress.

I thought that if we just simply cut the potatoes into fry shape, then fry the fries, it would be the same darn thing. For those of you looking to fry things with the one you love, follow my steps:

1) Pour oil into a deep skillet and then heat up the thing until it looks like molten lava bubbling up. Go big or go home.

2) Let your husband lecture you on how much you burn yourself whilst making meals for him on a normal basis, so let him volunteer himself to take the reins and drop the fries into the magma.

3) Grab a bag of the frozen Gorton's beer battered cod and preheat the oven. When making fries, you really don't have that much effort to make anything else. Plus, fish and chips are a good combo, and this frozen fish was pretty dang good! I wouldn't have even gotten it, but it was on sale at Publix, and I had a coupon. That doubled. I'm cheap.

4) Keep watching Josh wince as he's dropping fries in and taking them out. He took them out when they started floating. Wait for his previous words to bite him in the butt.

5)Put the fish in the oven.

6)Get into an argument about how the Gorton's Fisherman jingle goes. Keep singing it until you're blue in the face.

7) Grab laptop and play the darn commercial on You Tube.

8) When proven the victor, do a dance called the "suck-it dance," whereby you prance around like a Tennessee Walking Horse, and move your arms in a Pee-Wee Herman, "Tequila"- like fashion.

9)  Pop a fry in your mouth, then scream about how hot it is.

10) Disregard what you just did and stick another one in your mouth.

11) Console an upset Josh because hot oil has splashed on to his hand, causing a really gross, painful looking burn. Stick his hand under cool running water.

12) Finish the job.

13) Rejoice in homemade fries and home-heated up fish.

There you have it! A sure-fire way to make fries cheaper than it is to buy them.

Serial Killers, I'm On To You....

This week has been a crazy week. No, wait, let me rephrase that. I've been crazy this week. All because of a few articles and viral videos. I have discovered that fear makes you completely irrational.

Here is my harrowing tale.

At the beginning of the week, Tuesday to be exact, I read a little story in Cosmo. It was all about serial killers, how they stalk their victims, and how you can protect yourself.

Holy freaking cow. So, of course, model of intelligence that I am, I decided that I obviously need to be on my guard against serial killers. I start analyzing every guy I see, I change my driving routine on my way home, and I remain alert. A little too alert.

Upon arriving at home, I fell asleep on the couch. Like I always do. Because I'm like an old person. I was woken up by some loud banging next door, and they were screaming someone's name. Of course, I thought that a serial killer was next door. I start locking all the doors, closing the curtains, and trying to be as silent as I possibly could.

That night, I was emptying the dishwasher, and I heard some light tapping on the window looking into the kitchen. Because it's pitch black outside, I can't see anything. However, I do see a gap between the curtains, so I decide to be stealthy and crawl on the floor, slide up the wall, and close the curtains from below. Obviously a serial killer would not think that someone was home after watching the curtains close themselves.

All of a sudden, I hear banging on the window, then banging on the front door, which was locked. I start screaming hysterically, then I crumple to the ground screaming some more, which is clearly the epitome of stealth. Josh bursts through the front door laughing, and I sob. For an hour. Josh was so horrified at my reaction, all he could do was apologize.

I talked about Josh not because he did anything wrong (we mess with each other all the time) but to show how absolutely bonkers I was!

So we move to Thursday night. Josh was in North Carolina with the theatre kids, and I was home alone. I saw on CNN a video that shows someone looking through your Facebook profile. I wanted to see it for myself. Bad idea. BAD BAD BAD idea.

Basically, it shows some crazy psychopath looking at your stuff, stroking the screen, searching for where you live, etc. It was super creepy because he started stroking the screen when it was a picture of me and my cousin's baby, Jackson. I screamed out, "he's a baby, you pervert." It didn't occur to me that it wasn't real. Then it shows him driving to kill you. Yeesh.

I left the hotel at 11PM, making sure no one was in my backseat itching to slice my throat, then I turned on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia really loud, because I didn't think that God would let me die with that show on. I went to the bedroom, because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I proceeded to shut all the doors and close the curtain as tightly as I could. I fell asleep with all of the lights on. And even though our electric bill will be abnormally high, I just felt safer. I was so happy when it was morning, I didn't even mind the crick in my neck from sleeping in an upright position all night.

I think I'm over my serial-killer-phobia, but I don't think having a fear of crazy psychopaths is so strange.  It's only in my head when it becomes irrational. Like, a tree turned into a person looming outside the window, rustling leaves became a killer shuffling his feet outside, and a squirrel chirping became his crazy psycho war cry.

You don't have to tell me, I know I'm crazy.