It's been quite a busy week for me! I've started an exciting new job, and that very same day, something truly weird happened to me:
I woke up that morning not able to feel the left side of my face, and my eye wouldn't close. I thought that I had just laid on it and it would go away, but as the day progressed I knew that something was sort of messed up.
I went to the doctor right after work, and I got diagnosed with Bell's Palsy. I had never heard of it before, but basically it just means that the nerves in the facial muscles get inflamed and that side of the face becomes unresponsive and numb. It could go away in a month, in six months, or it may not go away at all. But, the good doctor was pretty optimistic that I'd be back to my goofy self eventually.
Now, I know that the majority of you think that I'm doing this on purpose, but this is literally what I look like.
Jen scared. Jen happy. The face Jen will probably make.
You can laugh; it's pretty funny. The night Josh saw me, he told me that my face was stuck that way because of all of the stupid faces I've made before. Last night, he told me that I could "totally"audition for the role of Two-Face. Har.
As a result of my eye not being able to close, I have to tape it shut every night, and fill it with this stuff called "Lacri-Lube." Sexy stuff. I also have a hard time keeping my mouth closed when I eat, because my cheeks and lips are so weak, so food and liquid dribbles out. Even sexier stuff.
So, if you tell me a joke that I would normally laugh heartily at, but don't, please don't be offended. I just don't want to terrify you with my menacing grin. Or, if I smile at you all crooked-like, don't think I'm being a snob and giving you a sarcastic smirk, I'm not. I just can't move my face that way!
I feel for Katrina de Voort. I think that's literally the way her face looks.
So, if you think someone is giving you the stink eye, or a dirty look, or you think they have awful table manners, give them a chance. They might just have faulty wiring, like me!
I'm going to tell you a tale. It's a tale of a mother who found utter delight in torturing and scaring her children. I mean, just ask her. She thinks that it is the funniest thing in the entire world.
When I was in the 4th grade, my mom found it appropriate to make me watch Psycho, you know, the Alfred Hitchcock movie where the lady gets killed in the shower, and there is a dude dressed up like his mom and is super creepy. Sorry for the spoiler alerts, but this movie is super old. Go see it.
The shower scene. Good gravy, the shower scene. It is arguably one of the most famous movie scenes ever.
It also has made me a super big chicken.
The night I saw it, I couldn't sleep. I mean, I was tired, but I knew that the minute I closed my eyes a crazy person would leap out of the closet dressed in his mom's clothes and would stab me to death. I just sat in the corner of my bed, huddled like the little match girl, and left the light on. So I could be on my guard the entire night. I didn't do anything for those terrifying 8 hours but scan the room.
The next day, I was too scared to take a shower. However, we were going to church the next day, and mom told me that I had to. It was all part of her plan, I think. I was truly perplexed: close and lock the door, and risk being locked in with a killer, or leave it open, inviting all killers? I decided to leave it open, figuring that I could make a fast (and slippery) getaway. I threw away all of my razors, eliminating another possible weapon.
I would like to note, I had just started to....um...develop...and shaving was a new concept for me. This would make yet another day that I did not shave my armpits and another day my mom would fuss at me about it.
I just consider it payback.
I am washing my hair at this point, continually poking my head out of the shower curtain. Soap finally gets in my eyes and I have to bite the bullet and shut them.
A shadow descends. My nutty mother throws back the shower curtain and makes a stabbing motion with a screwdriver. I scream, and make a slippery escape. I'm still covered in soap suds.
This has still messed me up. I am super jumpy, and I will start throwing punches at the air when startled. One time, I got grounded for punching my mom in the face because she snuck up behind me and scared me.
Which brings us to now. The other day, I was taking a shower, shaving my legs, and every time I bent down, a shadow descended over me.
I want you to think about being killed in the shower. You're super vulnerable, and there's no where to go! There's no where to go!
I called Josh in to sit on the toilet for the duration of my shower and make sure no one killed me.
Me: "Hey, I just need you to sit on the toilet and talk to me."
Josh: "But I'm watching golf."
Me: "All I know is, a shadow is coming up every time I bend over."
Josh: "That is you."
Me: "Josh, I don't care, I just need you to sit on the toilet and talk to me."
Josh: "You're high. I'm in the living room, and I'm not dead."
Me: "What if it's a stealthy killer? He could kill you in the living room and I would never know until he got here."
Josh: "Are you sure you're not high? I smell the shower cleaner that you just used, and it's pretty strong. I'm just going to sit in the living room. Stop being weird."
Me: "It's ok. I'm done now."
That is the state of my life. Constantly on edge because I think someone is going to jump out from under the bed, the closet, the other side of the shower curtain, or just make a loud noise all of a sudden.
I hope you're happy, Mom. I feel like I can hear your cackle 10 hours away.
We just got back from Italia! I will post soon once I have time to gather all of my thoughts so I can remember all of the crazy stories during our trip! It was the trip of a lifetime. Just saying.
And that Josh is a good European driver and would fit in really well and could work in the opera house in Milan.
Just saying.
As I was perusing my blog today, I was looking at the header at the top.....
"A newlywed's views on just about everything...."
However, I am no longer a newlywed. Whaaaaaaaaat?
Joshua and I celebrated our first anniversary almost 2 months ago. It's so hard to believe that the first year flew by so fast!
In honor of my hubby-wubby, I'd like to dedicate this to him.
I keep telling Josh, "I know there is a reason that I married you!" I say it when he answers my questions about why the key will go into the ignition but not turn (it's because the steering wheel is turned a weird way, by the way.) Or pulls my keys out of our front door that I had left since I had come home 3 hours ago. Or because he'll buy me some York peppermint patty pieces because he knew I'd like them.
Even though those examples are good indications of how sweet he is (and how well he keeps me sane/grounded,) they are not the reasons that I married him. I married him because he is
- Kind. He can tell when a friend is hurting and try his darndest to make them smile.
- Generous. He will give you the shirt of off his back. He will also drop everything he's doing to help someone out. I've seen him leave dinner to give a friend help that was stuck on the side of the road. DINNER. And for Josh, that's a big deal.
- Hardworking. He knows that you can't get anywhere without hardwork, and he will work himself to the bone to make sure his work is something that he can be proud of.
- Funny. I will be crawling into bed, dog tired at the end of the day, and he'll say something that will make me laugh so hard I hyperventilate.
- Supportive. He will comfort me when I've had a hard day, cheer me on when I take on a new task or conquer a goal. I think if I decided to juggle swords for a living he'd let me, knowing that it made me happy. (it doesn't)
So, as we take on our next year, and the rest of our lives as a married couple, I'd like to always be reminded of how I felt this first year, and know that everything we go through is worth it. I also hope and pray that everyone gets this type of love, the love that makes you greater than you are, a love that causes you to be selfless, and a love that inspires you.
There's nothing better than waking up next to your best friend everyday.
I think that I am maybe the most wimpiest person I know. I also think that many other people think that as well. I have a very weak stomach, and I get motion sick at the drop of a hat.
Let me elaborate. I went to the gym yesterday. I normally bring headphones with me, because I plug it into the TV, watch Tabatha Takes Over, and before I know it, I've been on it an hour!
I, unfortunately, forgot said headphones, and brought a book. See, the thing is, if I don't have anything to do except listen to how hard I'm breathing, I get bored and/or tired. I need something to distract me.
I'm reading, and I've been pedalling now for 20 minutes. I stop to take a sip of water, and the room starts spinning. I felt like I was insanely carsick. I felt like I was riding in the backseat of a van going 80 mph down the Blue Ridge Parkway.
I move on to weight machines, and all was well.
Point of the story is, I got motion sick. On a stationary bike. I got motion sick on an object that was not in motion. Who else does that happen to? I know that I can't read on a plane, boat, car, etc without getting sick, but a chair with pedals? What?
But whenever I stop, I'm good. Sickness gone. I actually went home and made double crunch honey garlic pork chops for dinner (found on Pinterest. Huzzah!) and scarfed down every bite. Then I watched the season finale of Raising Hope. And the citizens rejoiced. And by citizens, I mean Josh and myself. We're our own microcosm.
Hello, all of you in the blogosphere that I have neglected. It's not really my fault; either I'm super busy or there's nothing interesting going on in my life.
Anyway, I just got back from a trip to Chattanooga for SETC. Yes, the dang convention has sucked me back in, but I went with the drama kids from Wando High School; and good times were had by all. Except for when myself and 2 other chaperones made a mad dash to the hotel to search all the rooms for missing costumes. For a one act that was going to go on in an hour.
For those of you who stayed at the Sheraton during the previous SETC in Chattanooga; you know who you are: there were basically twelve of us in one room. I really don't miss being a poor college student. We went to the City Diner! The hole in the wall that was attached to the Days Inn, the one that had food from literally every ethnicity and slices of cake the size of your head. I ate a mound of nachos, then ran around doing a Russian accent that I had learned in a workshop. It was a very productive weekend.
This past weekend, we were in Greenville, SC with the student council for Wando. Greenville was an absolute blast! Josh and I just walked around downtown, hung out at the Falls Park, got sunburned (and I didn't even care because I was just so happy for the warm weather) and went to the zoo. At the zoo, everyone was with children. And then there was us. Because we're basically children anyway. I love zoos.
So, St Patrick's day was yesterday, so we went to a Mexican restaurant, like you do on such an Irish holiday, and then ran over to the Carolina Ale house to try and watch the Kentucky game. It was a madhouse; people were screaming above us trying to get drinks, a drunk guy was poking Josh for not wearing green (I warned him...) So we gulped down our beers and headed back to the hotel to meet/rescue from the highschool dance, Di Anna, at the Blue Ridge Brewing Company where we ate.....wait for it...Irish Car Bomb Cheesecakes. You had to be 21 or over to even order them, because they did not cook out the alcohol. It was all there, believe me.
With us being so busy, I've hardly had time to cook; it's been Stouffer's lasagnas and crock pot beef stews for the past few weeks. So, Thursday, I had the time to cook Josh a wonderful home cooked meal. I made Chicken Creole with Chile Cream sauce. Here's a link:
http://www.campbellkitchen.com/RecipeDetail.aspx?recipeId=30&ref=%2fSearchRecipesResult.aspx%3fq%3dcreole%2bchicken%26filter%3d
So yummy, and full of spices and things that will set your mouth on fire!
Therein lies the problem.
Josh isn't a huge fan of spicy things, but I am, and I feel like the more I cook with spicy ingredients, the more he'll like them. Plus, I always felt that if I was the one cooking, I get to cook whatever I want and he just has to eat it.
He watched tentatively as I dumped a whole can of green chiles in the skillet, then dredged the chicken in a ton of spices. I just smiled and told him that he would be fine.
He didn't finish the meal, which never happens. The next morning, he sent me a text saying that the green chiles killed him. Oops. Then, walking around Greenville for the next morning afterward, he was still complaining about the chiles. Double oops.
Moral of the story is, he's so sweet to eat things that he doesn't like simply because I made it. I need to take him into consideration when planning meals. So, Josh, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, and you have banana pudding (your Nanny's recipe) on the way!
Wednesday night, we got to go see the National Broadway Tour of Mary Poppins. It was....kind of....eh....not well written. But the scenery and special effects (that Josh got to be a part of) were absolutely fantastic! It was a nice night; we went to PF Chang's for dinner before with Jason and Di Anna. Nothing could spoil my night until.......
Cue the dramatic music.
We were standing up during the curtain call watching the cast sing, and all of the sudden, air cannons come out and confetti goes everywhere. At that moment, something hits me on top of the head.
I pat my head, and my hand sticks. It's wet. And gooey. I'm about to hurl. Someone's gum had flown out of their mouth onto the top of my head.
Gross, right? I was freaking out!
All day yesterday, I was coating my hair in peanut butter, rubbing ice cubes on my hair, and taking constant showers. First to try and condition the gum out, then subsequent showers to remove the peanut smell. It's a good thing we don't have a dog, or it would have tried to eat my head. Now, mind you, I'm doing all of these things whilst crying and shouting, "Why me?!"
OK, maybe there wasn't wailing and gnashing of teeth, but I was still pretty blue all day.
Next time I go to the North Charleston Peforming Arts Center, I'm wearing a helmet.
Ah, the joys of StumbleUpon.com. All you have to do is enter in your preferences, click the "Stumble" button, and random web things will pop up that will tickle your fancy and bide your time. Here's the doozy I found today.
http://theuglydance.com/?v=zymruvzrib
Watch it. It's definitely worth it. I can't stop laughing, and I'm at work.
I, along with so many other people, have now been sucked into the Pinterest Universe. I mostly use it for recipes, but I have actually gained the confidence to (gasp!) make crafts.
For those of you who know me, you know that my wedding favors were the pinacle of my artistic ability. My mom and I painted wine glasses, were planning on doing a design, but the prototype looked pretty heinous. So, we just painted the bottom of the glass blue, and it basically turned the whole thing blue. I liked it because it didn't have our names on it, and it wouldn't be a random dust collector in someone's house. (We use our's very frequently.) Granted, we weren't very good at mixing the shade of blue, so the glasses themselves vary. Whatever. It was free, people!
So, I considered it my crowning achievement. Until now.
Before you pick your jaws up from the floor, remember that I am a mere mortal, with a mere hot glue gun. And some spray paint.
Yeah, so all I did was hot glue fake hydrangeas and a wooden letter to a grapevine wreath, but this is a big step for me! I found a "autumn wreath" on sale at Wal-Mart for about 50 cents, so I bought one and tore all of the gaudy fake leaves off of it, and made this wondrous wreath. I feel like I can conquer the world! I may make a table! Who the heckdarn knows what I can accomplish?!
Let me preface this by saying that I've fallen victim to the Pinterest Universe. I never thought that I would be sucked in, but it is chock full of neato ideas and crafty things and recipes. I'm also looking for something to occupy my time during the slow season at the hotel.
I found a homemade hummus made with cannellini beans and fresh cilantro. Because I've gorged myself on too many holiday treats, I'm craving healthy foods. Weird, I know!
This requires:
1 Can of Cannellini Beans
2 Tbsp. of Olive Oil
2 Tbsp. of Lemon Juice
1tsp. of Minced Garlic
1 tsp. Cumin
1/2 tsp. of Chili Powder
1/2 tsp. Kosher salt
1/4 tsp. ground black pepper
3 Tbsp. Chopped fresh Cilantro
All you do is stick everything in a food processor until smooth. Really hard, I know. But this is so unbelievably yummy, and it tastes better than any store bought hummus I've had (sorry Sabra, I will always love you.) So, we have a tupperware thing of this that we pull out and use as a dip with pita chips or baby carrots, and we use it as a spread for sandwiches and turkey wraps. Yum!
For dinner that night, I made Pioneer Woman's Broccoli Cheese Soup. You can get the recipe here:
http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/11/broccoli-cheese-soup/
I've made this a few times, and I always divide the ingredients. There are only two of us, after all. But, I made a huge pot of it last night so that we would have many leftovers. Josh and I both took some for lunch today. And with today being 25 degrees, it is quite welcome.
While this simmered I whipped up some Corn Muffins with Ye Olde Jiffy Mix. Comfort food at its finest.
No TV or Movie updates, because I'm too cheap to go to the movies, and new episodes of my shows have been new. I'm seeing Girl with the Dragon Tattoo tomorrow, loved the book. We'll see how it goes!
This has been quite a Christmas. So much so that it has caused me to hibernate into an abyss-like black hole, cutting all methods of communication. Now, we're forced back into the real world, into the bleak month of January. It's about this time that I hate winter. I really only like winter during Christmas. And even though winter in Charleston is about 50 degrees, I still don't like it. Not one bit.
Now to change the subject completely....
About a month ago, Josh and I made french fries. This endeavor started when we got into an argument about whether or not we needed a french fry cutter. This all started at a marching band competition when, at the funnel cake stand, a guy stuck a potato in a cutter, pulled the lever, and... voila! French fries.
But I digress.
I thought that if we just simply cut the potatoes into fry shape, then fry the fries, it would be the same darn thing. For those of you looking to fry things with the one you love, follow my steps:
1) Pour oil into a deep skillet and then heat up the thing until it looks like molten lava bubbling up. Go big or go home.
2) Let your husband lecture you on how much you burn yourself whilst making meals for him on a normal basis, so let him volunteer himself to take the reins and drop the fries into the magma.
3) Grab a bag of the frozen Gorton's beer battered cod and preheat the oven. When making fries, you really don't have that much effort to make anything else. Plus, fish and chips are a good combo, and this frozen fish was pretty dang good! I wouldn't have even gotten it, but it was on sale at Publix, and I had a coupon. That doubled. I'm cheap.
4) Keep watching Josh wince as he's dropping fries in and taking them out. He took them out when they started floating. Wait for his previous words to bite him in the butt.
5)Put the fish in the oven.
6)Get into an argument about how the Gorton's Fisherman jingle goes. Keep singing it until you're blue in the face.
7) Grab laptop and play the darn commercial on You Tube.
8) When proven the victor, do a dance called the "suck-it dance," whereby you prance around like a Tennessee Walking Horse, and move your arms in a Pee-Wee Herman, "Tequila"- like fashion.
9) Pop a fry in your mouth, then scream about how hot it is.
10) Disregard what you just did and stick another one in your mouth.
11) Console an upset Josh because hot oil has splashed on to his hand, causing a really gross, painful looking burn. Stick his hand under cool running water.
12) Finish the job.
13) Rejoice in homemade fries and home-heated up fish.
There you have it! A sure-fire way to make fries cheaper than it is to buy them.
