My Mom Ruined Showers for Me. Forever.

I'm going to tell you a tale. It's a tale of a mother who found utter delight in torturing and scaring her children. I mean, just ask her. She thinks that it is the funniest thing in the entire world.

When I was in the 4th grade, my mom found it appropriate to make me watch Psycho, you know, the Alfred Hitchcock movie where the lady gets killed in the shower, and there is a dude dressed up like his mom and is super creepy. Sorry for the spoiler alerts, but this movie is super old. Go see it.

The shower scene. Good gravy, the shower scene. It is arguably one of the most famous movie scenes ever.

It also has made me a super big chicken.

The night I saw it, I couldn't sleep. I mean, I was tired, but I knew that the minute I closed my eyes a crazy person would leap out of the closet dressed in his mom's clothes and would stab me to death. I just sat in the corner of my bed, huddled like the little match girl, and left the light on. So I could be on my guard the entire night. I didn't do anything for those terrifying 8 hours but scan the room.

The next day, I was too scared to take a shower. However, we were going to church the next day, and mom told me that I had to. It was all part of her plan, I think. I was truly perplexed: close and lock the door, and risk being locked in with a killer, or leave it open, inviting all killers? I decided to leave it open, figuring that I could make a fast (and slippery) getaway. I threw away all of my razors, eliminating another possible weapon.

I would like to note, I had just started to....um...develop...and shaving was a new concept for me. This would make yet another day that I did not shave my armpits and another day my mom would fuss at me about it.

I just consider it payback.

I am washing my hair at this point, continually poking my head out of the shower curtain. Soap finally gets in my eyes and I have to bite the bullet and shut them.

A shadow descends. My nutty mother throws back the shower curtain and makes a stabbing motion with a screwdriver. I scream, and make a slippery escape. I'm still covered in soap suds.

This has still messed me up. I am super jumpy, and I will start throwing punches at the air when startled. One time, I got grounded for punching my mom in the face because she snuck up behind me and scared me.

Which brings us to now. The other day, I was taking a shower, shaving my legs, and every time I bent down, a shadow descended over me.

I want you to think about being killed in the shower. You're super vulnerable, and there's no where to go! There's no where to go!

I called Josh in to sit on the toilet for the duration of my shower and make sure no one killed me.

Me: "Hey, I just need you to sit on the toilet and talk to me."
Josh: "But I'm watching golf."
Me: "All I know is, a shadow is coming up every time I bend over."
Josh: "That is you."
Me: "Josh, I don't care, I just need you to sit on the toilet and talk to me."
Josh: "You're high. I'm in the living room, and I'm not dead."
Me: "What if it's a stealthy killer? He could kill you in the living room and I would never know until he got here."
Josh: "Are you sure you're not high? I smell the shower cleaner that you just used, and it's pretty strong. I'm just going to sit in the living room. Stop being weird."
Me: "It's ok. I'm done now."

That is the state of my life. Constantly on edge because I think someone is going to jump out from under the bed, the closet, the other side of the shower curtain, or just make a loud noise all of a sudden.

I hope you're happy, Mom. I feel like I can hear your cackle 10 hours away.

Phew-O

We just got back from Italia! I will post soon once I have time to gather all of my thoughts so I can remember all of the crazy stories during our trip! It was the trip of a lifetime. Just saying.

And that Josh is a good European driver and would fit in really well and could work in the opera house in Milan.

Just saying.

Not a Newlywed Anymore!

 As I was perusing my blog today, I was looking at the header at the top.....

"A newlywed's views on just about everything...."

However, I am no longer a newlywed. Whaaaaaaaaat?

Joshua and I celebrated our first anniversary almost 2 months ago. It's so hard to believe that the first year flew by so fast!

In honor of my hubby-wubby, I'd like to dedicate this to him.

I keep telling Josh, "I know there is a reason that I married you!" I say it when he answers my questions about why the key will go into the ignition but not turn (it's because the steering wheel is turned a weird way, by the way.) Or pulls my keys out of our front door that I had left since I had come home 3 hours ago. Or because he'll buy me some York peppermint patty pieces because he knew I'd like them.

Even though those examples are good indications of how sweet he is (and how well he keeps me sane/grounded,) they are not the reasons that I married him. I married him because he is

• Kind. He can tell when a friend is hurting and try his darndest to make them smile.
• Generous. He will give you the shirt of off his back. He will also drop everything he's doing to help someone out. I've seen him leave dinner to give a friend help that was stuck on the side of the road. DINNER. And for Josh, that's a big deal.
• Hardworking. He knows that you can't get anywhere without hardwork, and he will work himself to the bone to make sure his work is something that he can be proud of.
• Funny. I will be crawling into bed, dog tired at the end of the day, and he'll say something that will make me laugh so hard I hyperventilate.
• Supportive. He will comfort me when I've had a hard day, cheer me on when I take on a new task or conquer a goal. I think if I decided to juggle swords for a living he'd let me, knowing that it made me happy. (it doesn't)

So, as we take on our next year, and the rest of our lives as a married couple, I'd like to always be reminded of how I felt this first year, and know that everything we go through is worth it. I also hope and pray that everyone gets this type of love, the love that makes you greater than you are, a love that causes you to be selfless, and a love that inspires you.

There's nothing better than waking up next to your best friend everyday.

Watch Out, I Might Barf

I think that I am maybe the most wimpiest person I know. I also think that many other people think that as well. I have a very weak stomach, and I get motion sick at the drop of a hat.

Let me elaborate. I went to the gym yesterday. I normally bring headphones with me, because I plug it into the TV, watch Tabatha Takes Over, and before I know it, I've been on it an hour!

I, unfortunately, forgot said headphones, and brought a book. See, the thing is, if I don't have anything to do except listen to how hard I'm breathing, I get bored and/or tired. I need something to distract me.

I'm reading, and I've been pedalling now for 20 minutes. I stop to take a sip of water, and the room starts spinning. I felt like I was insanely carsick. I felt like I was riding in the backseat of a van going 80 mph down the Blue Ridge Parkway.

I move on to weight machines, and all was well.

Point of the story is, I got motion sick. On a stationary bike. I got motion sick on an object that was not in motion. Who else does that happen to? I know that I can't read on a plane, boat, car, etc without getting sick, but a chair with pedals? What?

But whenever I stop, I'm good. Sickness gone. I actually went home and made double crunch honey garlic pork chops for dinner (found on Pinterest. Huzzah!) and scarfed down every bite. Then I watched the season finale of Raising Hope. And the citizens rejoiced. And by citizens, I mean Josh and myself. We're our own microcosm.

Cooking for Your Husband is Pointless if it Gives him Indigestion

Hello, all of you in the blogosphere that I have neglected. It's not really my fault; either I'm super busy or there's nothing interesting going on in my life.

Anyway, I just got back from a trip to Chattanooga for SETC. Yes, the dang convention has sucked me back in, but I went with the drama kids from Wando High School; and good times were had by all. Except for when myself and 2 other chaperones made a mad dash to the hotel to search all the rooms for missing costumes. For a one act that was going to go on in an hour.

For those of you who stayed at the Sheraton during the previous SETC in Chattanooga; you know who you are: there were basically twelve of us in one room. I really don't miss being a poor college student. We went to the City Diner! The hole in the wall that was attached to the Days Inn, the one that had food from literally every ethnicity and slices of cake the size of your head. I ate a mound of nachos, then ran around doing a Russian accent that I had learned in a workshop. It was a very productive weekend.

This past weekend, we were in Greenville, SC with the student council for Wando. Greenville was an absolute blast! Josh and I just walked around downtown, hung out at the Falls Park, got sunburned (and I didn't even care because I was just so happy for the warm weather) and went to the zoo. At the zoo, everyone was with children. And then there was us. Because we're basically children anyway. I love zoos.

So, St Patrick's day was yesterday, so we went to a Mexican restaurant, like you do on such an Irish holiday, and then ran over to the Carolina Ale house to try and watch the Kentucky game. It was a madhouse; people were screaming above us trying to get drinks, a drunk guy was poking Josh for not wearing green (I warned him...) So we gulped down our beers and headed back to the hotel to meet/rescue from the highschool dance, Di Anna, at the Blue Ridge Brewing Company where we ate.....wait for it...Irish Car Bomb Cheesecakes. You had to be 21 or over to even order them, because they did not cook out the alcohol. It was all there, believe me.

With us being so busy, I've hardly had time to cook; it's been Stouffer's lasagnas and crock pot beef stews for the past few weeks. So, Thursday, I had the time to cook Josh a wonderful home cooked meal. I made Chicken Creole with Chile Cream sauce. Here's a link:

http://www.campbellkitchen.com/RecipeDetail.aspx?recipeId=30&ref=%2fSearchRecipesResult.aspx%3fq%3dcreole%2bchicken%26filter%3d

So yummy, and full of spices and things that will set your mouth on fire!

Therein lies the problem.

Josh isn't a huge fan of spicy things, but I am, and I feel like the more I cook with spicy ingredients, the more he'll like them. Plus, I always felt that if I was the one cooking, I get to cook whatever I want and he just has to eat it.

He watched tentatively as I dumped a whole can of green chiles in the skillet, then dredged the chicken in a ton of spices. I just smiled and told him that he would be fine.

He didn't finish the meal, which never happens. The next morning, he sent me a text saying that the green chiles killed him. Oops. Then, walking around Greenville for the next morning afterward, he was still complaining about the chiles. Double oops.

Moral of the story is, he's so sweet to eat things that he doesn't like simply because I made it. I need to take him into consideration when planning meals. So, Josh, if you're reading this, I'm sorry, and you have banana pudding (your Nanny's recipe) on the way!

A Sticky Situation

Wednesday night, we got to go see the National Broadway Tour of Mary Poppins. It was....kind of....eh....not well written. But the scenery and special effects (that Josh got to be a part of) were absolutely fantastic! It was a nice night; we went to PF Chang's for dinner before with Jason and Di Anna. Nothing could spoil my night until.......

Cue the dramatic music.

We were standing up during the curtain call watching the cast sing, and all of the sudden, air cannons come out and confetti goes everywhere. At that moment, something hits me on top of the head.

I pat my head, and my hand sticks. It's wet. And gooey. I'm about to hurl. Someone's gum had flown out of their mouth onto the top of my head.

Gross, right? I was freaking out!

All day yesterday, I was coating my hair in peanut butter, rubbing ice cubes on my hair, and taking constant showers. First to try and condition the gum out, then subsequent showers to remove the peanut smell. It's a good thing we don't have a dog, or it would have tried to eat my head. Now, mind you, I'm doing all of these things whilst crying and shouting, "Why me?!"

OK, maybe there wasn't wailing and gnashing of teeth, but I was still pretty blue all day.

Next time I go to the North Charleston Peforming Arts Center, I'm wearing a helmet.

This is What I Do When I'm Bored. And it Cracks Me Up.

Ah, the joys of StumbleUpon.com. All you have to do is enter in your preferences, click the "Stumble" button, and random web things will pop up that will tickle your fancy and bide your time. Here's the doozy I found today.

http://theuglydance.com/?v=zymruvzrib

Watch it. It's definitely worth it. I can't stop laughing, and I'm at work.